She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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