whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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