so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
