Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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