i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
