You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
