Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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