from now on my penis is your penis
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is it penis luge time yet?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
