I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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