Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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