i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
