Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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