you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
