Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
