problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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