Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
