we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
