Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
