I can tuck mytits in my pants
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
