Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
