apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
