FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
