I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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