There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
