why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
