Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
