A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
