I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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