I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
