Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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