remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
