and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
