walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize