I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
