Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
