There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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