We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They are going to name an STD after you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
