It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We are all done wearing pants today
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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