i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
