im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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