Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
