I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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