so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
