I wanna passion pit in your ass
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
