today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
