I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
two words...techno handjob
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
