Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
