I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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