I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize