All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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