I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
