Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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