If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
