you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
