that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We are two peas in an std pod
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
