what day is it and did you see me today?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
