I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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