grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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