Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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