I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
