stop calling my apartment porn island.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
