Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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