I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ttyl tear gas
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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