sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
