shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
