Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize