dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
