You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
