Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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