I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
