I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
