I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
