Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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