genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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