he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
