dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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