dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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