It's like God shit irony all over that family
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
