my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
