They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
why is half of my head shaved?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
