WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
