if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
