Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
