I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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