I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
