i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
