am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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