just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
